Thoughts for a Thursday night; or, Why market research is like fishing,

(Warning: if you're allergic to elaborate metaphors you'd better stop reading now)

So you all know that I kind of like market research. I've been pondering the question of "In God's name, why?!?", and I think I've come up with an answer. It's like fishing. How?, you ask? Well, I'm going to tell you, gosh darn it!

As a "fisherwoman," I work for the scientists of the fishing world: my company's mission is to observe in detail the traits of as many fish as possible, and then compile the data to present to various big-wigs who are interested in fishes and their spending habits. I'm one of the interns at the lab, as it were, and my job is to dangle some bait in front of a constant stream of randomly selected fishies and try to get them up on the dock so I can probe them for as much information as possible before throwing them back in. Trouble is, there are lots of other fisherpeople farther upstream whose bait looks a whole lot like mine and who will take you home and eat you if you're not careful, and this makes for an awfully cautious/hostile bunch of fish (if you don't know what I'm talking about, just try talking with people who think you're a telemarketer).
So just getting a fish to bite is quite a challenge. It's kind of exciting though, since you never know when you get a bite whether the fish will jump right up on the dock with you and talk your ear off, tell you to shut up and go away, or even ask for your number (as happened to me last night).

So you've gotten hold of a fish: the first thing to do is make sure it's the right species for your particular experiment (half the time it isn't). If it's the right species, you then have the difficult task of keeping the damn thing on the dock for as long as possible before it loses interest and jumps back in the water, all the while trying to take accurate measurements while it's flopping around all over the place and telling you about how last Christmas it got the most charming new casserole dish from its son-in-law when all you want to know is how many fins it's got. Takes a lot of time, patience, and energy, especially when the fish speaks with a heavy Scottish accent and is 83 years old.

And if you get far enough to wish the fish a good evening and throw it back in, congratulations, you've got some data to report! But make sure you toss the bait right back in there, you've got to keep landing fish if you want to keep landing shifts, there are plenty of other interns who want your job!

And there you have it. It's really not as bad as it sounds: yes, you get really abusive folks, but you also get to have conversations with the most lovely people (a couple weeks ago a nice Scottish lady actually offered me her spare room to stay in if I was ever in her part of the world). And though it is ultimately about money, it's also about gathering knowledge, and I find it kind of exciting to get a little glimpse into the lives of strangers who I will never meet and never speak to again, just as I take pleasure in the little glimpses into people's windows that I catch from the Tube as it's speeding by their houses at night. Since I'm really here in this city to learn, all in all market research isn't a half bad job to have, even if it does seem a bit fishy at times. :)